I sit down and write today very humbled. Today is July 13, and it is my one year anniversary of officially being single. I have had so many mixed emotions running through me today. Let me try to explain...
I got up today and didn't even want to get out of bed. I was feeling very alone. My kids are with their dad, and I am in a house that doesn't feel like home. I could have stayed in bed all day. I do need to say that I am not sad about being divorced. I am sad for my children that they have had to go through this in their short little lifetime, but for me I am not sad. There are just some days where I wish I wasn't waking up to an empty house. I chose to get up, obviously, and I attended church. It has been about 4 months since I have had the opportunity to attend my ward. (with working at the hospital on Sundays) I felt very uncomfortable and the new person all over again. I didn't want to go by myself, but guess what guys, I am by myself, and this is my life. I hate not having my kids at church with me, and pretty much just not having them around all of the time. They are my world. I tried to talk myself out of going and just running over to Spring Lake where I would be comfortable, but I did go, and it was one of the best meetings I have ever had. Tears were brought to my eyes several times today. I am sure a lot of that is because emotions are raw. I love this gospel that I have in my life. I am so blessed to be a part of something that I know to be so true. Mom and Dad, thank you for raising me the way you have. You are amazing parents, and I am so grateful for the job you did, and the wonderful blessings I have been given because of your examples. I don't know where I would be without the gospel in my life, actually I do know where I would be and thank goodness I have been taught by goodly parents!!!
So today I sit and reflect on things, and I am just feeling so blessed. I can't believe a year has gone by already. Sometimes people just need to write their feelings down. I probably let everyone in a little too much, but I hope you all have the opportunity to feel the spirit like I have on this beautiful Sunday.
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6 comments:
Mandy, you are an amazing person. I know you may not think so, but you are as strong as they come.My heart aches for you today, on this one year mark. But I will make you a promise. And that promise is that you will not always be alone. Your two little ons are blessed because of your commitment to them. I promise you the realization of all the righteous desires of your heart. If you will remember who you are, and what you stand for, you will always know who loves you. Do not ever doubt it.
Hang in there my dear Daughter. You are truly one in a million.
All my love,
Dad
As for me I love my children more than words can tell. I may not always condone what they do but I do love you guys.
Mandy...the first year after a divorce is the hardest, so the worst is over! Let's go celebrate....do you ever country dance? Great way to celebrate!
Big hugs girlie!! I'm in the boat right along with you - so you're not alone! =)
And, yes, I was (and will be again on the way home) in UT...I tried to get your phone # from Molls, but we never ended up connecting before I had to go. I'll be up there again Mid Aug. I'll keep trying to get your # and/or email address from Molls. I'd love to be able to see ya!
Mandy, I am just so proud of you. I am amazed at your positive attitude and you will go so far with it. You really are a lot stronger then you know. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! It was very tender and touching to read and I am very excited for you and all the great things that are in store for you. We need to get together! I really miss you and all the chats we used to have! I love ya girl...
Mandy, you know I think you're amazing. I try to tell you that at least once a day!! hahahha. Just never forget how strong you are...Love you! Carrie
Don't preach to me!!!
Cool post. Feels nice not to have to hide my testimony from the whole family. Maybe our team will get more players again. Keep praying. XOXO
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